I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
