hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
