What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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