I heard we made out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
