I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
