i don't plan on having that self control this summer
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why do cheetos always look like penises
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
