I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
