you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
