you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
