cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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