That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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