if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
