hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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