hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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