I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
