i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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