Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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