And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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