what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
