i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
