Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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