you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
