I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
