when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
