Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
