I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
