umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
