I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
