once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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