Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
