fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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