I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
