Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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