Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize