I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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