if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
