never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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