i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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