Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
