i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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