Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
