You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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