fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
