Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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