i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
