his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
