i may or may not be watching the land before time
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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