i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
