she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
