Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize