i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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