Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
