I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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