Cold hands, warm shart.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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