Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
