My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
