it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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