Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
