I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize