Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
