I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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