i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize