Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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