8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is Oprah even human
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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