Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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