Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
