just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
