Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize