The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Enjoy the penises
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
