I'm lost and stupid without you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize