So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize