I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
